Hello, Blogging World. My name is Catherine Elyssa Brown -- Lyss, for short, and I am officially Over These Ovaries. I've never been particularly good with beginnings, but then again, I always imagined my story making its debut on The Oprah Winfrey Show. I imagine that it is probably much easier to tell the beginning of a story when Oprah is the one asking the thought provoking questions and coaxing out the gut-wrenchingly honest answers. Alas, as Oprah says goodbye to network television, I guess I've succumbed to the fact that timing really is everything – and that there really is no time like the present. Well, either that or the fact that I better get busy while I still have a shot at dancing on stage with Ellen DeGeneres! I mean, who doesn't feel better after an episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show?
Like too many girls out there, I've spent the past seven years (and all of my twenties!!) fighting an unknown and disheartening ovarian syndrome. Whether it was cancer or cysts or irregular periods or infertility... or even explaining to my newest boyfriend that I likely could not have my own children, and that I could end up in a hospital bed in the forth coming weeks -- I have spent most of my days in a Sisyphean attempt to control something that is truly terrifying and uncomfortably uncontrollable. I actually got the idea for this blog one day when I realized that I could no longer count how many times I'd shouted in exasperation: "I'M SO OVER THESE OVARIES!!", or painstakingly explained to someone that my life was crumbling "over these ovaries." All I could quantify was how much I had grown to despise those three little words.
So, what do you do after six major surgeries, a thousand doctor's appointments, various all-nighters in the Emergency Room, serious drug interactions, deadly allergic reactions and the loss of a left ovary and most of the right one? How do you cope with the idea that all of that blood & gutsy stuff…that all of that physical pain & actual suffering is actually the easiest part? What does one do with the ravaged path of destruction & uncertainty that is left behind? Worst of all, how do you do all this and continue working, socializing, dating and living???
I have discovered over the past seven years that this question has been one that has haunted my every move. Unfortunately, I have also discovered that the resources available to us girls (and by girl, I mean under the age of 30!) struggling with ovarian issues still target women in the later stages of their lives. When I search the internet for answers, friends, or support from other girls that might possibly understand my situation, I find myself bombarded by websites that discuss the impact of ovarian diseases in the post-baby years & sort through emails from women with tag lines reading: “I’m 40, but still 20 at heart!” Although an ovary is still an ovary no matter how old the woman, and granted -- cancer is still the same scary six letter word no matter who it attacks, there is no way to compare the issues facing a 19 year old ovary-less girl with those of a 45 year old ovary-less mother of three.
So, I have decided to start writing a blog once a week about my ovaries’ path of destruction. I will be sharing my story and my mechanisms for coping with uncertainty. Most importantly, I will be creating forums for girls under the age of 30 to connect, commiserate, confront and conquer their own uncertainty. From discussing the loss of one ovary, to the loss of both ovaries; from confronting the anger we face when losing the ability to have children, to the fear we swim through just to breathe; from managing the pain we feel, to the faith we alternatively lose and find – I promise to discuss the process from beginning to end, and to listen to every concern & fear. I promise to become your friend as you become mine.
There is an old Cuban saying that goes: “There is no evil that lasts a hundred years, nor a body that can endure it.” It is a quiet expression of hope amongst a society that has undergone a tremendous amount of pain and suffering. It is also the acknowledgement that for every beginning, there is an end.
So, ladies – as you go on leading your lives & continue fighting your fights, please keep in mind that your heads & your hearts are purposefully and perfectly positioned in your bodies to tower over these ovaries.
